The problem with writing in my second language is that I sometimes find it very hard to say exactly what I mean. Afrikaans is a very visceral, descriptive language that lends itself very well to idiom. Sadly this means it usually loses a lot when you try to translate it to a more boring language like English. For instance we have this saying that goes: "Meng jou met die semels dan vreet die varke jou" which if translated directly reads: "If you mix yourself with bran, the pigs will eat you" - which makes little to no sense. Bran after all is a wholesome, colon-friendly product and I'm not sure pigs are particularly into it. "Semels" on the other hand would more accurately be not bran but rather the waste product you get after milling wheat or corn, the stuff not really fit for human consumption that's best fed to animals. The meaning of the idiom here is that if you hang out with a bad crowd you'll eventually become indistinguishable from the rest of them. So to translate it properly I guess I'd have to change it to "If you roll around in carrion you'll end up surrounded by vultures". With that out of the way, lets talk about someone who really exemplifies my new idiom - Jack T. Chick.
If you look at his earliest works they portray only very standard, straightforward message of Christian evangelism - get right with Jesus before you die or you will go to Hell. If he had stuck to these, chances are most people wouldn't even know the name Jack Chick. What made him really famous however was the fact that he eventually began wrapping the gospel message in the most batshit crazy conspiracy theories known to man. Why did this happen? I would hazard a guess that perhaps it happened because he started spending time with the most batshit insane members of the Christian fringe you could hope to find. Here are some of the folks who helped Jack become the man he is today:
here and here or for a briefer rundown, his Wiki page.
Dr Kent Hovind aka "Dr Dino". Whenever Chick mentions anything about evolution, just know that Hovind was his source. Unlike the others I've mentioned so far, Hovind didn't fabricate his past. He does however fabricate some of the worst, laughably false, most facepalm inducing attacks on science that you are ever likely to find. He is so terrible that he is even shunned by the rest of the Young Earth Creationist community! You have to be a new kind of terrible for Answers in Genesis to publicly distance themselves from you - and Kent Hovind is. He claims to have many years experience teaching science in high school. What he does not mention is that he only taught "science" at unaccredited church schools. His doctorate is likewise from an unaccredited diploma mill (just like all his qualifications) and is not in any scientific field either, it's in Christian Education. He is currently serving a 10 year prison sentence for tax evasion. (Source)
Dirty Sexy Demonology so for more info do check it out. The post was satirical but I didn't make up anything she actually teaches, you will find everything I mentioned in her books! Thanks to her, Chick had up to date info on how demonic Halloween was and got to stay current on all the latest plots by witches and satanists to infiltrate and destroy Christian churches. In gratitude he got her books published and so released her patented Curse Theology on the public. Now unlike everyone else on this list, her credentials are actually real, she really did go to med school. However she's not technically a doctor anymore (and not just because she's a full time demon hunter and witch smeller now). "In 1984, Brown's medical license was revoked by the issuing state of Indiana. The licensing board ruled that on numerous occasions she had "knowingly and intentionally misdiagnosed her patients", blaming their illnesses on "demons, devils, and evil spirits." A board-appointed psychiatrist diagnosed her as suffering from "acute personality disorders including demonic delusions and/or paranoid schizophrenia" and observed her injecting herself with unknown substances. The board also found that she had over-medicated her patients and administered improper treatments, as well as failed to properly document their treatment." (Source.) For a more detailed discussion I would recommend these: Part 1. Part 2.
With friends like these, is it any surprise Chick tracts are as insane as they are?
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